"Big and Perky"

We all know which organization I belong to. Wait, make that enslaved to for the next couple months. Eight months to be exact. Well, let me tell you one of the reasons why I'm definitely getting out. This morning at about one a.m., I was told that I had a weigh in at five thirty! For all you out there, it means that if you don't weigh what "they" say you're supposed to weigh, you get taped. Basically, you're going to get measured. This is all done to a set of regulations and stuff. I'm short and according to rules and regulations, I'm supposed to weigh a certain amount. I'm not even going to tell you cause it's ridiculous. I haven't even weighed that since I was in the third grade or something. Well anyways no big news I got weighed and taped. Who cares if I passed? There are way bigger people than me in this organization! Let someone try to tell me I'm fat!

After all this craziness, I decided that since I was up already I'll go to the PX (fancy-schmancy name for military store). My roomate decides she wants to go to. We're in front the frozen food section. And yes people, frozen food has made it to Iraq! My roomate who lives on lunch meat, was grabbing frozen bread or something when I spied something. Tortillas! I was animatedly telling her this when she stopped to ask me what she was going to do with them?! I went into this crazy rant about how she was a fake Mexican. Some guy was passing by and he couldn't help himself. He burst out laughing. Same thing happened in the canned food aisle. Same guy just happened to be there while I was ranting to my roomate. She put back a can of soup because it had BEANS in it! I 'm not racist at all, but I noticed a pattern in all my Hispanic friends. They barely speak a smidgen of the Spanish language, and they're not very gung-ho about the food. It's cool though. Because I get all the Mexican candy!

We were waiting at the bus stop when we noticed this girl. She looked like the rest of us. Black shorts, grey short sleeved shirt, and tennis shoes. Except she had these really long and big eyelashes, and tons and tons of eye makeup. It's so hot out here that there's no point of makeup. It'll just melt off your face. She gets up to leave. As she's passing by, I couldn't resist a closer inspection on her lashes. We had a male co-worker across from us who looked, too. We were talking about whether her lashes were fake or not when both my roomate and the guy started looking confused. They asked me what the hell was I talking about. Her lashes. They just looked at me and burst out laughing. They were talking about the authenticity of her breasts! The whole time I'm going on about her lashes! Who noticed she had breasts?! Apparently, the guy did and my roomate was calling him out. According to the guy, they were a little too "big and perky" to be real.I should mention that this girl was skinny, too. After I looked, I decided that they did look awkward on her frame. So "Big and Perky" gets on the same bus, she's talking to one of her girl friends about how she came about. Get this! This girl remembered to bring her I.D. card and her tube of MASCARA, but forgot her wallet! Are you serious?!!! Nothing suprises me anymore!

"Lemme just grab my mascara just in case, my face melts off in that heat. Yeah, I probably won't need my wallet."